signs you're from my hometown

as found on fb.

1. you have gotten married and divorced due to events at a carnival.
2. on any given night, you are driving around with a car full of people saying, "I don't know, what do you want to do?"
3. (non-local) people ask, "so, what's there to do where you're from?", and you just laugh.
4. you automatically know there's going to be fire and beer at any party you go to.
5. it's not a normal day until you see a tractor on one of the main roads.
6. you've driven down dirt roads more than real roads.
7. you use Bag Balm for raw spots and Hoofsaver for cuticles instead of normal cosmetics.
8. "for sale" signs are spray painted on a piece of wood.
9. you've actually been inside a corn field, and not in one of those maze things.
10. you can play cornfield tag, running through the cornfield without making the stalks move.
11. you can pee outside without holding on to something.
12. the ONLY time your road is getting plowed out is when your 10 year old neighbor is doing it on a four wheeler....and his payment is cupcakes.
13. sledding on the ice using only your butt is what you do in the leftover snow on purpose.
14. you look at a Google satellite map but all you see is green blobs because there is nothing to zoom in on.
15. every high school in the county has a cornfield or farm next to it.
16. you've had a chicken or some other random farm animal running loose in the halls of your high school.
17. it's not unusual to see deer legs sticking up in the back of a truck in the school parking lot during deer season.
18. there are almost as many tractors in the school parking lot as there are cars.
19. you can buy half your holiday/birthday presents from tractor supply.
20. your high school is located between two cornfields, a forest and a funeral home.
21. shot gun blasts don't faze you.
22. you know more people with lazy eye than not.
23. a buddy of yours went to prom on his tractor.
24. this county is responsible for your inability to pronounce words correctly.
25. the roads just change from concrete to gravel, then there is nothing around for as far as you can see.
26. you know every back road in the county...even the dirt ones.
27. your life's goal is either to stay forever, or to leave and never come back.
28. the smell of cow manure in fields means "it's spring!" to you.
29. you are trying to find something to do and you end up in a Taco Bell parking lot.
30. your animals have better looking teeth than you do.
31. half your class was absent the entire first week of school due to showing or judging various forms of livestock in the state fair.
32. half of the school was absent the day the new department store opened just to ride the escalator. [okay, that one might be a little dated. but only a little.]
33. sleeping outside more than inside during the summers isn't strange.
34. going into town you're going to find either 12 or 40 year olds dressed as gangsters. the rest are just country.
35. you put more money into your truck than your house.
36. you think of "Dairy Queen" as a pageant title and not a place to get an ice cream.
37. your friend's dad had to drive his tractor to school to plow the track so the team could have practice.
38. your non-(town) friends think it's funny when you drink from hoses.
39. you come home for your birthday and end up putting up fence for the weekend.
40. talking about the weather is actually interesting.
41. you got out of school because a squirrel somehow cut off the power.
42. your family couldn't leave for vacation until you caught that damned runaway steer.
43. you visit a neighborhood with sidewalks and out of habit you walk in the road.

happy tails to you

until we meet again.

1996-2013
...

not Gumby

me: i just had the best dream. it had zombies in it. 

spouse: (laughs) Gumby?

me: ZOMBIES

spouse: (serious) oh. that's different. 

things i look forward to

1. rest
2. relaxation
3. sunshine
4. baseball
5. reading
6. sleeping
7. walking
8. paddling
9. friends
10. coming home

things i love/d about my dad

1. sunny, happy hello
2. keen awareness of and appreciation for nature
3. great storyteller
4. patient rehabilitation* of many misguided birds
5. master gardener
6. generous heart
7. enjoyed a good joke, and tolerated silly ones too
8. took the road less traveled
9. my mother's biggest fan
10. family first, always

*11. appreciation of bad puns

i will forever miss dawdling along life's path with him.